June 2011

safety first

25 June 2011

My lady friend Sunny went to Germany and let me borrow her helmet while she’s away. Babies, get yourselves protective headwear that also provides an additional layer of hair. You can’t go wrong with this. With my birthday around the corner, I am hoping my mom locates a comb-over version of this. I am more [...]

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turtle time

17 June 2011

Not Real Housewives type of turtle time, but actual love between a reptile and a baby. In Harlem, I used to walk out my door and find homeless pigeonrats. Now, I walk out of the house and find turtles. I think it’s an even trade; they each carry high-end diseases and my mom forbids me [...]

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double dating

10 June 2011

In the olden days, like the 1980s, double dating meant that two couples did something together….maybe a game of diaper swap or dipping each other’s pacifiers in fondue. I have no interest in that. Here’s how I double date: me + two babies. Cut out that fourth straggler, you know? Most recently, I did a [...]

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body like a horse

5 June 2011

If you get the Salt N Pepa reference in the title of this post then you are having the same disturbing upbringing that I am. Welcome. Ponies are so 1984. Miniature horses are in. They are much more svelte, wouldn’t you say? They wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of Crocs and if they [...]

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