May 2011

face lift

31 May 2011

A progression of beauty. If nature didn’t give you the face you want, babies, draw it yourself.* For Father’s Day, I plan to draw my dad the chest hair he’s always wanted.   *Recommended for bar mitzvahs, vaccine appointments, preschool graduations, court appearances, or anytime dinner involves a drive-through.

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frizzle

27 May 2011

When my mom prayed for a baby with an afro, I don’t think she meant this, God. Help! The “Biracial Hair Care” message board she stalks seems to be doing nothing and I ain’t getting any younger. Or skinnier, as it turns out.  

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pinto

23 May 2011

It’s been a little while since I’ve done an interview. Since they are so wildly popular in the 12-18 month, unpotty-trained demographic, I thought it was time to give Pinto the mic. I’ve only known Pinto for a few weeks but it feels like he’s my real dad. We have so much in common: we [...]

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vaca

20 May 2011

People in offices refer to “vacation” as vaca (vay-cay) but it’s all just Spanish for cow to me. I just got back from a dog and house sitting gig in south FL, which was basically a free vacation. It.Was.Awesome. I got to show off my PG-13 playground skills to the urban/latino/baby demographic, pee in two [...]

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llama toe

14 May 2011

Babies, it ain’t pretty. And it can happen to anyone, especially when diapers are built into the lining of your swimsuit. So, the elderly should also be on the lookout for this, although in that situation it would most likely be considered elephant toe.

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