by little wakka on 7 May 2012
in Animalia
Kids who aren’t in preschool are doing this…
Using land lines. I called a local bank to get the time and temperature.
Hello? Is this a robot? May I have the time?
9:47?!?! Oscar* ESPN-ed right through my 8:00am Mickey Mouse Clubhouse showing.
(*formerly referred to as Daddy)
Good day, bank.
We hang out with friends. By “friends” I mean famous puppets from the 90s.
We get angry over a fruit snack and choke our friends. This would probably be discouraged in preschool but it’s how things are done on the streets.
We don’t share. We wear all of our things at once so our dead lamb friends can’t.
I just invented a new game. I play it almost every day and it is very affordable. Like everything else thus far, it has cost me not a penny. The only problem is that my mom is really supportive of this funness and typically I only enjoy things that cause her high levels of distress. Babies, the game is: spray cement with a water bottle. I know, you just smacked an American Girl doll because she didn’t suggest it to you earlier and why else did someone spend that much money on a doll, when dolls like Taxi are $1? Anyway, this is how you play:
1. Get an empty spray bottle.
2. Make your mom put water in it.
3. Spray the cement.
4. Bonus points for spraying ants, cigarette butts, loose earrings, or mulch.
5. Make your mom put her iPhone down and refill with more water (do this as much as possible).
This post is not paleo-friendly. It is taste-friendly, though. Very cellulite-friendly. I helped my mom bake chocolate cupcakes this weekend. She only agreed to my assistance during a melt-down at the Farmer’s Market earlier that morning. As soon as she got the ingredients out, I smashed an egg on the counter to let her know who would be running things. She was making these to freeze for an event for this weekend that got canceled about 4 seconds after she pulled the last batch out of the oven. Now I have a never-ending stash in the freezer that I’ll turn to for solace once my jelly beans run out. I get rations of 5-6 beans every few days so that could take a while.
